Don't Push My Button
by NewDrWhoFan
Summary: There it was. Right on the TARDIS console. A big, red, threatening button, quite blatantly labeled "Must Not Be Pressed Under Any Circumstances" 10Rose
1. Do Not Press

_Inspired by Chapter 16 of reddwarfaddict's **TARDIS Drabbles Of Randomness** series._

_Let's say this falls somewhere between "New Earth" and "Tooth and Claw"_

_Disclaimer: Surprise, surprise, I don't own Doctor Who. Nor do I get anything from writing these stories--except wonderful, constructive reviews! Wink, wink; nudge, nudge ;)_

* * *

There it was. Right on the TARDIS console. A big, red, threatening button, quite blatantly labeled "Must Not Be Pressed Under Any Circumstances".

The Doctor had been slightly suspicious when he'd found Rose already in the console room that morning. Even on the rare occasions when he slept he usually got up before she did. Now he had his answer. She'd snuck in here to set up this, what? Trap? Test?

Sure, he'd made a big deal about not being able to resist pushing the button on the Sycorax ship, but that was just him being melodramatic--was that another quality of the new him? Melodrama? Anyway, he'd known precisely of what blood control was capable. He'd known nothing bad was going to happen. He hadn't really needed to push it just because it was there. He really didn't need to push this button just because it was staring him in the face, taunting him . . . .

The Doctor made idle conversation while he paced around the console, trying to figure out just what the button did. Rose wasn't any help. She just pretended that she wasn't watching his every move, waiting for him to bring up the intruder among his magnificent ship's array of buttons, switches, levers, and other gizmos. The Doctor realized there was no way he was going to be able to investigate the button without her knowing exactly what he was doing, so he decided to just ignore it. At least, that was his intention.

"Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"You want some tea? I'm dying for a good cuppa tea. Could you make some tea?" Quite smooth, if he did say so himself. Rose didn't seem the least suspicious, which he should have found curious since it was quite obviously she that had installed the offensive button to begin with, and she should be eagerly watching to see what he'd make of it.

"Sure, I'll be in the kitchen," she said, getting up from the captain's chair, and exiting the console room.

Immediately, the Doctor was crouched in front of the button, sonic screwdriver in hand. There it was. A big red button, with a duct tape label below it. He couldn't get any energy readings, but next to the time rotor it would need a fairly large power source in order for the screwdriver to detect anything. He couldn't see any protruding wires. He sniffed it. Nothing too noticeable, just the faintest trace of what might be perfume--again, obviously Rose's doing. He licked it. Just plastic. There didn't seem to be anything to it but the button itself. A great big plastic button that he really, really, didn't need to push.

He stood, glancing down the corridor to make certain that Rose was not sneaking back in to watch him. Confident of his solitude, the Doctor walked back to the console and did the only thing he could think of. Standing as far from the console as he could while still being able to reach it, he turned his head partly away, closed one eye, and extended his arm.

He pressed the button.

An ear-splitting wail was the first thing the Doctor noticed. As he frantically tried to silence the alarm, he knew he'd fallen right into Rose's little trap. Maybe he really couldn't resist pushing buttons. Or maybe he was perfectly within his rights to inspect his ship.

Either way, there was no way Rose wouldn't know what he'd done. If she somehow hadn't heard the commotion, she'd still detect the button's second tamper feature. Even as the Doctor's hand had first jerked away from the evil device, a cool liquid had squirted onto it. He'd never smelt Rose wearing the perfume, and was immensely grateful for that fact. But the offensive odor would linger in the console room for quite some time, and even longer on his skin if he didn't find a proper solvent, and fast.

Determined to at least end the assault on his ears, the Doctor tore the button away from the console. Inside, he found the small bottle of cheap perfume that Mickey had given Rose at Christmas, and a key fob panic button. He pressed the panic button, filling the console room with blessed silence. Silence that was broken by the most terrifying sound the Doctor could imagine at that instant: Rose's laughter.

There she stood, in the doorway from the corridor, two steaming mugs of tea in hand. Laughing. She was nearly doubled over, threatening to spill the tea at any moment. Fearing more for the exposed circuits below the grating at her feet than for his own dignity, the Doctor walked over to her and took the mugs from her, waiting patiently for her fit of giggles to end.

"I knew it!" she gasped when she could catch her breath. "You really couldn't resist, could you?!" Her attitude was really insufferable, but her smile was almost worth it.

What could he say?

Without a proper comeback, he was left with only one option. He'd have to get revenge.

* * *

_To be continued...._


	2. Do Not Open

At the first available opportunity, the Doctor left Rose perusing the shops at a thirty-fifth century mall, while he ran over to the nearest bakery. One banana cream pie later--secreted within a coat pocket that was bigger on the inside--he met up with Rose and gallantly carried her purchases back to the TARDIS for her.

Later that night, or, when Rose decided it was finally time for bed, the Doctor locked himself in his room and prepared his great work. Removing the pie from its box, he set it aside on his workbench. Several cannibalized contraptions later, he replaced the pie, carefully balancing it on the face of the spring plate. Stifling his maniacal laughter, he armed the trigger mechanism as he closed the box lid. Producing a black marking pen from his jacket pocket with a dramatic flourish, he proceeded to inscribe his warning.

Rose awoke, eager to learn what the new day would bring as she explored the universe with her new, new Doctor. They'd been taking things fairly easy since their first real adventure on New Earth, and Rose was grateful. They both needed some time to get used to the new him. Although, after her little prank the other day--the way he had floundered around trying to silence the alarm, even the smell of that awful perfume was worth the reminder of her triumph. She felt like things were falling right back into place between them. She even felt like she might be closer to the Doctor now.

She wondered if she would have dared to pull something like that on her old Doctor. With a smile, she admitted that she would have--in a heartbeat. But things seemed to be even more open and casual between them now. She didn't have any clear memories from her return to Satellite Five, but she had a feeling that that particular life and death struggle might have helped put things in perspective for her Doctor. She'd gotten a lot more hugs recently, and he held her hand at the barest excuse. And, although it had been the evil Cassandra in the driver's seat, he sure hadn't rejected her kiss. He barely reacted at all, but he certainly hadn't complained.

Having washed and dressed, Rose made her way to the kitchen for some breakfast. As she walked by an open door, she heard the Doctor's "Morning, Rose!"

"Mornin'," she replied, stopping to see the Doctor engrossed in an overlarge volume of something-or-other from the library. "I was just goin' to get breakfast, ya want anythin'?"

"No, no," he replied distractedly, apparently intent on his book. "I'll see you in a bit."

At that dismissal, Rose shook her head and continued into the kitchen.

Before she'd even reached the cupboard to grab a mug for her tea, Rose saw it. It was rather difficult _not_ to notice, since the white box was prominently displayed in the center of the kitchen table. In large, bold letters, a notice had been written across the face of the box. "THIS PIE IS THE PROPERTY OF THE DOCTOR. DO NOT DISTURB!!"

Pie, eh? Rose thought that pie sounded like an excellent breakfast. "Do not disturb," indeed. The Doctor had more than enough sweets stashed on board the TARDIS without having to keep an entire pie to himself. Rose pried up the edge of the box lid, and lifted it to reveal--

If there was one thing her travels with the Doctor had given Rose, it was quick reflexes. At the "snick" of the trigger, she ducked and lunged to the right, the pie soaring through the air, high over her left shoulder.

She turned slowly, ready to see the remnants of the pie sliding stickily down the kitchen wall. Instead, she found the Doctor, who had apparently snuck into the kitchen behind her, holding a camera up to his eye, finger on the shutter button. Unfortunately for him, his perfect candid photo position had intersected the pie's trajectory. He just stood there, stunned motionless, as the pie plate peeled away from his face with a slurpy sucking sound and fell to the floor. At least the camera had protected his eyes, leaving a clear, rectangular patch across his face when he lowered his hands.

Rose's laughter burst from her before she could even think of trying to contain it. "You idiot!" she managed at last, still laughing, and pointing mercilessly at the Doctor. "Was this your _pathetic_ attempt at gettin' back at me for the other day?" she asked, determined to permanently burn the sight of a pie-covered Doctor into her memory. She leaned back against the table, holding her side, fairly certain she had laughed herself to tears.

In answer, the Doctor swiped a finger full of cream off of his camera, and unceremoniously flicked it at Rose, hitting her square in the face. Her laughter immediately ceased, as she disbelievingly reached up and wiped away the offensive glob. She opened her mouth to say, well, something, when she froze. Before her, a very satisfied Doctor was casually licking the cream from his fingers. "Mmm, banana," he said, and then licked his lips as thoroughly as his tongue was able.

Think you've won? thought Rose. Try this on for size, Doctor.

Without another thought, Rose walked up to the Doctor, seized his face in her hands, and licked a swath of cream from beside the corner of his mouth. Satisfied at his impression of a goldfish, she resumed her position leaning against the kitchen table, arms crossed across her chest, a smug smile on her face as she licked her own lips. How far are you really gonna take this? she thought. Ready to admit defeat?

Apparently not, because the Doctor stepped towards her then, tossing his camera on the table behind her. Rose straightened, not quite knowing what to expect, as the Doctor brought his hands up to cradle her head. Before she could think, his lips were on hers, his tongue searching out the few missed bits of cream from the corners of her mouth. Rose's eyes drifted closed, and without any conscious decision, she parted her lips. She felt the Doctor sigh--or was that both of them?--as he ran his tongue over her teeth and against her own tongue. Her hands were on his back, trying to pull him closer. Oh, he tasted like bananas. And the Doctor. If a banana cream covered Doctor hadn't been in her fantasies before, he certainly was now. This must be heaven.

When Rose really couldn't go any longer without a breath, she reluctantly pulled back. She was quite pleased to see the Doctor, eyes still closed and breathing rather quickly himself, lick his lips once more. Rose reached up to wipe away some of the remaining cream from his face. He opened his eyes and smiled, then schooled his features into mock seriousness. "You, ah, you'd missed a spot," he said, gesturing at the corner of her mouth, then backing away to lean against the doorframe with both hands in his trouser pockets.

"Thanks," Rose answered, now leaning heavily against the table behind her, supported by her hands. She really didn't think her legs would work on their own right now.

"Right," he said, turning to exit the kitchen, but ruining any grace in his escape by slipping in the remnants of the pie on the floor. "Right," he said again, regaining his balance. "I'll just be," he gestured somewhat nervously down the corridor. "Gonna get cleaned up, you know. Right." With that he was gone.

Rose glanced around the pie covered kitchen. This little competition of theirs looked like it was going to be the death of them. But if so, she was gonna die happy.

* * *

_The end._


End file.
